


A Tourist's Guide to the Los Santos Underworld

by formosus_iniquis



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Gen, other people mentioned but not by name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 06:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3239768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/formosus_iniquis/pseuds/formosus_iniquis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is impossible to think of Los Santos without thinking about the Fake AH Crew, the two are synonymous at this point in the crew’s career. What most don’t know is how these men can stay at the top of the ever shifting food chain that is the criminal empire surrounding Los Santos.</p>
<p>AKA I accidentally created an entire universe for my GTA soulmate fic that I wrote, even though there was absolutely no need for it, and I decided to share.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tourist's Guide to the Los Santos Underworld

It is impossible to think of Los Santos without thinking about the Fake AH Crew, the two are synonymous at this point in the crew’s career. The crew seems to be all powerful, the six men taking no prisoner but taking a lot of enjoyment out of causing mayhem where ever they go. They may only ever be in the news for their so called ‘heists’ but you would have to be stupid not to know that Geoff ‘Kingpin’ Ramsey has a hand in every criminal activity in the city, from the drug trade to theft. What most don’t know is how these men can stay at the top of the ever shifting food chain that is the criminal empire surrounding Los Santos.

Burnie Burns was squeaky clean, as far as anyone investigating him could prove, but that didn’t stop his name from being linked with a lot of names that weren’t so clean, people like Geoff Ramsey. If asking anyone who had dipped their toes into the criminal underworld they would tell you, while looking over their shoulders the whole time, that Burnie Burns was a big deal. Burnie _was_ the criminal underworld. When he was starting his takeover of the state he had relocated Geoff to Los Santos, it was the one city Burnie wanted to take that was resistant to definite change. The people in power there shifted faster than the tide. So, Burnie got his man on the inside, and he bankrolled whatever he needed to keep it so that Geoff and his very small crew could get rid of the current leader and take the city for himself and in doing that take it for Burnie.

Even now as the crew grows, Burnie is still bankrolling them. Geoff likes making a big show when he’s robbing a small spot, the unpredictability helps him stay on top, it also costs a lot of money when it doesn’t pull much in. It’s easy to overlook though, while the crew’s newsworthy exploits usually involve blowing up a gas station, the drug trade alone brings in enough money to keep Burnie happy and keep the crew living in the luxury they’ve become accustomed to.

Geoff and his usual six were big on the flash and the show, not strange when you realized that his crew had Michael ‘Mogar’ Jones and Ryan ‘Vagabond’ Haywood. It was well known that Michael couldn’t commit a crime without blowing something up, and the rest of the crew was easily sucked into the explosive plans that came with a crime that involved Michael. But the six that are always in the news aren’t the entirety of the Fake AH Crew, they’re just the six that get the most screen time. Someone has to make sure that the behind the scenes work gets taken care of, and while Geoff and Jack as the heads of the operation do most of the administrative work they can’t take care of it all. Which is where Kdin, Matt, Jeremey, and Caleb come in. The four crew members make sure that those who might think it would be a good idea to challenge Geoff and his authority, remember just why that would be a bad idea. They tend to work more subtly than the main crew, it serves their purposes more if they get their work done without all the drama that tends to follow the others. When they occasionally joined the main crew on heists though they could be as ridiculous as the other six, Geoff and the guys had a way of bringing out a flair for the dramatic in everyone they were working with.

Kdin, Matt, Jeremey, and Caleb typically dealt with making sure that the drugs went were they were supposed to, and more importantly that the money got where it was supposed to. It’s a mostly cash business and that cash has to go somewhere. A large chunk of it went back to Burnie, a finder’s fee of sorts for all the failed gas station robberies he’d put money up for and Geoff got the rest to distribute as needed, running a criminal empire could be expensive but Geoff made sure all of his people were handsomely rewarded for all of their hard work. A cash business could be dangerous, and Burnie wanted to keep himself and Geoff out of prison for tax evasion, so he made sure all of the money was carefully laundered. Which is where Gus came in. He was a close friend of Burnie’s and had been with the business since the beginning, if he’d been more of a people person it could have been him running Los Santos instead of Geoff. He was gruff and grumpy which meant he wasn’t great with people, but he was good with numbers and was quick to let Burnie know when one of his ideas was stupid. Which is why Burnie trusted him to make sure the money was taken care of, there aren’t a whole lot of people that he knew he could trust in this business and Gus was one of them.

All of this works because Burnie has friends in high places. You can have as many friends as you want on the criminal side of things but they only do so much good when you come up against a wall of red tape. The words ‘pet senator’ are insulting, and if you’re smart, you won’t use them around the man who might as well be called the don of the state. That being said, Burnie and Senator Hullum are quite close and Hullum might have a soft spot for the crew and their antics. Having the Senator on their side makes it easy to slip certain things in the legislature, things that make things a little easier on keeping Burnie and those in his employ out of a jail cell.

Those that do make the mistake of making snide comments about Hullum and his allegiance with Burnie, and the comments get made no question, whether within earshot of Burns or, even worse, those dumb enough to put it in print can expect it to end one of two ways. More often than not, it will end in a call to team Social Disorder, the top defamation lawyers in the country, Marquis and Demarais take care of those who make the mistake of running their mouths. After the two of them make sure those who made the ill-advised comment have paid through the nose, the news is then saturated with stories that completely contradict whatever it is the person was saying about Burnie and the Senator courtesy of Burnie’s own twenty-four hour news station and lovely news anchors Meg and Ashley. Both ladies protected from the backlash that came from destroying someone’s career by the station’s bodyguard Blaine, though Ashley insists she doesn’t need him and reminds Burnie of her past as the renowned mercenary Jinx. Burnie had a few other pocket reporters, but unlike the ladies on The Know, those at the Times and the Journal were much more replaceable. There was far less concern about the backlash that may target them, after all, they knew the risk when they agreed to work with the company.

If you were particularly unlucky, your comment could end the second way, instead of a call to Social Disorder it was a call to Monty. Not everyone in the general public knew about Monty, but everyone with a pulse knew about Monty’s girls. The RWBY assassins were the deadliest group in the entire state and a call to Monty explaining what you needed would end with either Ruby, Weiss, Blake, or Yang eliminating whoever was in the way. Ruby was flashy, she was best sent when you wanted to make a statement and when she left her assignments behind they were always slit from ear to ear, the press convinced she carried a scythe around from job to job. Weiss was quieter, with her dust she could make a death look accidental, a heart attack could happen three days after she came into contact with her assignment or a seizure that came seconds after she walked away. Blake was agile, a death from her would come quickly in a dark alley, she was like a cat dropping down from the rooftop or the fire escape doing her job before disappearing the same way she entered. Yang was different, her style changed with every hit it seemed, she was like a fire and each one burned differently some were quick burning like a flash in a pan and others were slow like a small spark that becomes a forest fire. Monty always knows which girl to send, not that it mattered once one of the RWBY girls was after you, you were as good as dead. It was strange though, that with as much publicity a RWBY murder would draw, that Detectives Luna and Shawcross couldn’t find a single lead on the identities of any the four girls. It was something that surely ate at Detective Luna when he went home at night to his sweet girlfriend Arryn.

With the dangerous Fake AH Crew causing terror on the streets, it might come as a surprise that they had all seen their share of time on the inside of the Los Santos prison. They never stayed for long though, it was well known to those that worked in the prison that Michael Jones liked to make his mark every time he found himself in a cell. Several of the cells were decorated with a scratched out ‘Mogar was here bitches’ and it didn’t matter how many times they were painted over, the next time Jones was locked up it reappeared. It had gotten to the point where they just stopped painting over the message and one cell even had ‘but not for fucking long’ scrawled beside it. The police found easier to not let the public know that they regularly had a portion of the city’s most dangerous gang in their jail with charges like a drunk and disorderly or something equally ridiculous, because they never stayed there for long. It would be like finding out that they had Al Capone for tax evasion and then they had to let him go for everything else because he had a really good lawyer. And the Fake AH Crew had a really good lawyer, Jon Risinger was probably the only criminal defense attorney who made his entire paycheck on getting a drunk out of jail before they could admit to do something actually illegal. He was a familiar face around the halls of Los Santos Penitentiary. He only ever came for a Fake AH Crew member, he always succeeded in getting them out, and it was always for some bullshit reason. No one was ever sure who called him, because whichever member was currently occupying a cell never requested a lawyer or even a phone call and it was certainly never offered by their arresting officer. He just showed up whenever one of them was arrested and then they were back on the street just as quickly as they had arrived.

Some of the suspicion fell on Lieutenant Heyman and his partner Lieutenant Ellis. Nearly everyone in the precinct had brought in a member of the Fake AH Crew, it was like a game in the station to see how could bring them in the most times. It was a game that Heyman and Ellis were losing, and many believed the two of them were on Burnie’s payroll as well, or at the very least that they were being paid by Risinger to tip him off when his best and only clients were sitting in a cell.

There’s a reason that the people that make the Fake AH Crew as big as they are aren’t always in the lime light. It’s a fragile ecosystem, one that requires more than just the six people that are always seen blowing things up on the news, but the rest of the team works best from behind the scenes. The crew really only works because of Burnie and his hold on the state and Burnie needs the rest of the group to help him keep control. There were plenty more people involved Burnie had a lot of people that he hired and they did a lot of different jobs, both legal and not, it had to be like that if you wanted to make sure you could keep an entire state under your thumb and yourself out of prison. They had a weird system, but they did a weird job, and they would keep using it until it stopped working.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was kinda rushed, it had been bouncing around in my head since I wrote my last fic and after I spent a few hours word vomiting it into existence I decided to share. Feel free to take any ideas that you like and use them in your own stuff. Hope you enjoyed.


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